Warning! This advice is NOT sexy, and you will be disappointed. I deal in TRUTHs and not in telling you what you think you want to hear. There are no quick fixes and easy ways to achieving what we want - especially ones that are worth having (and those that relate to a billion dollar weight loss industry for that matter).
I just read a really interesting book called “Looking Out for Number 1” (which by the way has been around FOREVER, but was re-written to be relevant this decade). I can hear the judgemental thoughts about the title already, but hold up - this book is not about being selfish. It’s actually a business book about what’s really holding you back from focusing on getting what you want.
The author said something that really jumped out at me - one of the first hurdles we create for ourselves is called the Reality Hurdle. The Reality Hurdle is the fact that none of us see reality for what it actually is. We are all looking at the world through our own lenses, which are shaped by our past experiences, our current environment (people closest to us, and where we live) and the information we believe. We don’t easily see the bare truth of a situation, we perceive it in one way, which becomes our reality.
focus on the “is’s” of the world, rather than the “ought to’s
It’s not easy to distinguish what is actually real and separate the facts from our perception or pre-conceived judgements. To do this, we need to step back and “focus on the “is’s” of the world, rather than the “ought to’s”. This means making choices based on facts and the reality of a situation, instead of choices based on opinions, assumptions or preferences. I don’t care what “ought to be”, because that isn’t the present reality and doesn’t help me move forward. Instead, I need to look clearly at “what is”, and stop making choices in my life (or excuses) based on non-reality.
Focusing your energy on the “ought to’s” is completely unproductive. “Ought to” is a form of complaining, and doesn’t change what is. I hear women complain a lot about why it’s easier for their husbands to lose weight than them. How does that help you?
So what can we do to jump the “reality hurdle”? Well, you start by focusing on what IS. This means being honest with yourself, which might not feel good - because most of the time we are the ones holding ourselves in place. Let go of the “how things should be” and the reasons from the past you believe you are where you are - these perceptions don’t serve you now, and if they did, you’d be happy. So, here are some steps to getting over that hurdle (no skipping steps!):
Be honest with yourself. Start journalling, because we absolutely cannot just keep these thoughts swimming in our heads. They get entangled and twisted with other things, or forgotten in the mix of competing priorities. Write down your present situation, and be very honest about facts only. I weigh XXlbs. I don’t track my food, so I am not certain that I am eating the amount I should. I eat snacks when they are available to me. I don’t drink water. I go to the gym a few times per week. blah, blah, you get it.
Next, write down your goal. Whether it’s losing 10 lbs, gaining muscle, buying a house, getting out of debt. You need to write it down. This creates focus, and drives your internal energy towards moving forward. Write it down.
Look at your behaviour from step 1. What are some things that you need to do (really), to move towards that goal? There could be 100 steps to get there, but brainstorm a few of them. For example, if you want to lose weight, some starting point might be to figure out honestly where you are right now. You might need to track your own behaviour before you can make a change because you really don’t know where you are. Make some commitments to tracking your reality.
Change your behaviour. This is not easy - but if you don’t try, then you will never change from where you are. This is a FACT. This is reality. If you keep doing what you are doing, you will continue to be where you are- it’s logic, and I like logic ;)
You might need to get help to change your behaviour. That’s ok - and you should! None of us are experts in behaviour (unless you’re a behavioural psychologist). And humans are very flawed in that we are deeply emotional creatures, and base a LOT of our decision making on our feelings. So having a coach, a trainer, a counsellor - whatever you need to keep you accountable. Get someone to help you. It will be the best investment you will make to get you out of the self-created simulation in which you are living.
Told you it wasn’t sexy - but hopefully it struck a chord. Pick up this book, get inspired and start hopping that hurdle. You are worth the effort!
Ciao for now ;)
Leigh